‘Can’t air that’: Racy comment stuns Sonia
One contestant is not coping with the isolation in the Big Brother house and begins to have steamy thoughts about large-scale inanimate objects on Tuesday night - with the racy comment leaving Sonia Kruger more confused than the two different blazers she's wearing.
Over the past four weeks there has been one question on everyone's lips. An elephant in the room, it could no longer go ignored. Finally it's addressed by Sarah.
"I'm not a dwarf," she sighs to Big Brother.
Big Brother has been in a bitchy mood ever since Ange-a-licious left. With no one intelligent left to chat to, he has just been passing the time by needling the remaining bozos about their insecurities.
"People think you can get in everywhere for kids prices. No, I'm an adult!" Sarah persists. "I tried searching if I was a dwarf when I was 16 … so I could get on the disability pension. But I'm not a dwarf. I'm not a dwarf! And it sucks because I have to go through a lifetime of short jokes and I don't even get compensated for it."
Once Sarah is inevitably evicted from this house, Channel 7 should do a one-off TV special where they send her to Luna Park and we just spend an hour watching her get rejected from every ride because she's too small.
LISTEN TO THE NOT HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS PODCAST BELOW
We're made sit through yet another boring challenge and I'd explain it but it's a pile of crap. I mean that figuratively but, also, literally, it's a pile of crap.
It's not a complete waste of time. Because Big Brother is in a bitchy mood, he makes Chad read some instructions and - I swear to god - we can actually hear Big Brother giggling into the microphone when Chad starts sounding out the words.
The Kieran hatred is festering around the house and the cool boys won't stop making snarky jibes about him. We feel bad for Kieran but he really doesn't help himself.
He tries convincing us that his crappiness at playing the game is actually a strategy.
"People don't know how good I'm playing the game. I never switch off. I'm a strategic mastermind, in a way," he says as he sips from his mug and tea dribbles onto his shirt.
While Kieran is distracted trying to be an evil genius, the others are plotting to evict him. Dan, Mat and Casey are trying to get Sarah over to their side. And Sophie is trying to lure Sarah to her and Chad's side so they can evict Casey.
What does this mean? It means while Sarah may not legally be allowed on any ride at Luna Park, she holds the power for the next eviction in her tiny hands.
We head over to the elimination challenge and producers pull out more equipment left over from Australian Spartan.
Sophie wins and everything plays out as planned. Casey and Kieran are nominated.
Sophie knows Dan and Mat will vote for Kieran. And she has successfully talked Sarah into voting for Casey along with Chad. So that leaves us with a tie. Sophie holds the deciding vote and she will use it to wipe out Casey.
It's very uneventful until the elimination ceremony. Honestly, Kruges's fashion-forward cameo on the Zoom call saves the episode, yet again.
"Sarah, how was the challenge for you?" Kruges asks, making small talk just to fill in the time.
"It reminded me a lot like Fifty Shades Of Grey, so I didn't really know what I was getting myself into," Sarah blurts out as everyone shrieks.
From memory, Christian Grey's sex dungeon had a lot of bells and whistles, but we don't ever recall seeing mechanical extreme-sport equipment repurposed from Australian Spartan.
"Sorry! You can't air that!" she begs Kruges, who just doesn't even have the energy to begin discussing Sarah's weird sex fantasies.
When it comes to the votes, Sophie's scheme goes off without a hitch. She's the deciding vote and she uses it to flick off Casey.
For the purpose of fair and balanced reporting, it should be noted Casey has now gone 32 days with clinical constipation.
We formally request Channel 7 film another one-off special that follows Casey as she visits a specialist because this month-long story arc needs a conclusion.
Originally published as 'Can't air that': Racy comment stuns Sonia